Monday, 31 July 2006
♥ Sudden sadness in me...
Everything was nice and fine this morning!!! I enjoyed watching "The America haunting" DVD alone in his room... I felt happy that zaccaz came to accompany me in the room and ignored the maid despite the maid open the room door widely to let him out~ I felt satisfied to stop my hunger with a cup noodle...
Jie Jie called and told me that mummy and daddy decided to go Aljunied to have steamboat as a celebration for Didi's birthday... I asked dear too... He rejected... I asked again for the 2nd and 3rd time... Same response...
At that point of time,my tears just rolled down... I don't know why I suddenly feel so fragile due to his answer... I don't understand why!! We've been together for quite some time already, why still pai sei to have dinner with my family leh??? Some more my family seldom have this kind of "family" dinner together... Why can't compromise for once???
Last time when we just started to get together, I can understand but now?!! I never get angry because of that... Just some sadness... Maybe I shouldn't compare but I can't but to think of why I can join him and his family for dinner for so many times... Alot of "WHY(s)" came~
I even told him frankly that I really feel sad about it, there's still no compromise~ I admit that I did attitude him a little to the extend that he quite pissed with me but still tolerate it... Maybe I should feel glad that he still feel guilty for it and to tolerate my attitude.. But he still have cheek to joke... He talked to zaccaz saying both of them are such a poor thing, have to be hungry at home... I
"shoot" him back... coz it's ridiculous...
Bryan and Jie Jie came over to fetch me and then mummy... During the dinner, I temporary forgets about what had happened previously... Have fun "suan-ing" Bryan.. haha~ Told mummy about it too, she didn't give much comments to it...
Even thou' I feel sad but still messaged him when I reached home... Maybe I shall feel happy again coz he calls back even thou' he has nothing to say~ I know he might think that I'm angry about it so I told him that I'm not angry about him... Just feel that why I can't even ask my bf to join my family for a simple and once in a blue moon dinner...
I felt that I'm such a failure and I cried again~ Seeing Bryan went, I suddenly felt that Bryan cares for Jie~ He even took half day leave...
Not saying Dear wasn't nice to me... But you know, at certain point, even if you tell yourself not to compare others with him, your mind just don't obey~ Ofcoz after comparing, I still feel guilty for doing that...
Just thought that for 1 to feel sad rather then to force him to go and to have 2 people feeling bad for it... But then again, out of no where, it linked to why he went gaming on Sunday? Thought we have a deal?!
I did indirectly hinted him that he have went gaming alot more frequently this month.. It's up to his ability to understand what I mean...
Writing all this out never make me less sad... I still wonder why I can do so and he can't... What's the X-factor... What's so different... Being a Pisces my mind mislead me... It only told me: "perhaps he still don't really love you"
I feel even more sad~ He just couldn't understand how I feel... It's my family, I love them too~ Trying to stop my tears from falling...
*I closed the comments function, don't want to talk about it le..*