Monday, 25 February 2008
♥ My birthday~ the longest post and most inner feelings
First of all, thanks for all those well wishes by
sms, calls and in
facebook!
On Saturday morning, daddy came over to fetch me and
kammy then went over to fetch
jie &
bryan to
tampines house...
Started off with waking up
didi and then 4 of us play
mahjong... Lady luck smiles at me and
i'm the biggest winner but we only play chips..
haha... Anyway, it has been such a long time that i smiles like i used too...
Later
kenneth, Lynn, Andy, Jessica, Daniel & Louis came over to celebrate my 22
nd and bought along a lovely cake... Had a wonderful time with time just like how we used to since 5 years ago... Jess handed me the
CDs of all our past 38club memories and i laughed at those videos we took and surprisingly, i saw every year's birthday celebration of our club members...
Stayed over the night and play computer with
didi and i felt warmth and being cared of especially when
didi helped me do whatever i asked him to... Wake up in the morning and went to the coffee shop to have lunch with daddy and mummy +
Kammy...
Shop at TM alone
coz i just wanted to buy a concealer... Evening when to visit ah ma at the old folks home and had dinner with my family @
bedok 85... Went airport with daddy, mummy,
didi &
kammy to fetch "
shi fu" as he just return from
taiwan... After that daddy sent me back...
Don't know why i felt sad and lonely again when i walked towards the gate.. As if
i'm back to the silent and moody
christine again... As if Sat was a dream... When the clock strike 12,
i'm a nobody again...
Decided to return to school at mid
april and i struggle within myself with
alot of stressful stuff... Like how am i going to tell "them" about my leaving, I'm probably bringing
kammy along with me back to my tamp house, how am i going to find a part time job while studying and how to support both of us...
Some times i felt the person who is sleeping next to me seems like a stranger to me... I once thought he would be my pillar of strength and a person who i can rely on but the fact hits me hard... I couldn't act as if
i'm ok infront of
lynn,
dan dan and mummy... I felt pain too when i saw daddy and mummy cried because of my situation but i have to stay strong and not tear
infront of them... I know it's going to be a hard and tough road ahead but that's my choice... My choice for making mistake and i can blame no one...
I don't care who will be reading this, i just want to say out if not
i'll probably get depression... I think my value and "
her's" is different, "she" is so straight forward that "she" didn't consider about other's feeling.. "she" sees only the fault and don't praise the afford... to me, "she" is
abit biased and i wonder what i have done wrong to get the difference in treatment or was it just because
i'm not "her" own _ _ _ _ _..
i'm very tired of not being myself...
It may sounds very sad that such things had happen... Which neither do i want it to happen but some times i really think that the only legal way for my freedom is to divorce but my girl...
Today while talking to ivy, i almost cry out when i talk about my sore and don't know why i teared while typing my job... Maybe
i'm too
emo~
To mark the end of this entry, i would like to say i felt disappointed
coz "he" didn't even wish me a happy birthday.. I think last year also.. How sad!